She's Just Not That Into You: Six ways to know when a girlfriend's a frenemy


He's Just Not That Into You decodes the rules of heterosexual dating. But the relationship between girlfriends can be just as powerful, irritating, and unfathomable as any relationship with a guy. Here are my six ways for women to recognize when "she's just not that into you."

Read my latest post on HuffPo, SHE's Just Not That into You



I've been through this w/my

I've been through this w/my best friend of 21 years (we met at 7 yrs old). The past few years have been so difficult as I try and negotiate how to deal with this woman who is a sweet person but does not know how to be a good friend anymore. I'm constantly the one who initiates contact, makes plans, remembers birthdays, etc. She puts zero effort into the friendship yet we share a lot of history together, so it's a hard decision. Ultimately, I've decided to cut off ties with her and move on with my life while trying to make new friends instead. But it's been very hard and sometimes I miss what we had together.

In reply to I've been through this w/my

It sounds like you can no longer have a very close friendship but do you need to cut it off completely?

Can you downgrade the relationship and make up to see each other on birthdays?

My best,




glad to see this phenomenon identified

I had this type of experience in my late teens and early 20's with a girl that I really feel was a wonderful person. However, we were caught, kind of like a bad marriage, in a cycle where I was constantly disappointing her, and I may have even been subconsciously doing it on purpose after a while. I have carried the burden of the loss of our friendship (I just kind of let it go, and so did she after we had been inseparable during two periods in our lives) because we had been through so many important first experiences and really enjoyable times together. Glad to know that this happens to other friends as well...

i can relate

i can really relate into it with one of my best friends .. =( ALMOST the SAME story ..

Too true... a fractured

Too true... a fractured friendship of mine that just ended a couple of months ago had all of these traits... I was guilty of the first three, and she was guilty of the last three. We had been friends for 13 years and already tried once to patch things up when we had a similar falling out and nothing changed (she was stubborn, critical and bossy; I was avoidant and passive aggressive, and it was just a vicious cycle of disappointment on both sides). It finally ended when I realized that despite her constantly making me feel bad about myself as a person and my behavior as a friend, that I was doing most of the work maintaining the friendship (making plans, organizing outings, calling to see if she wanted to come out, etc), and so I told her that if she thought I was such a lousy friend as she always told me I was, that she could go find some new friends because I was tired of the guilt trips and the verbal attacks. She didn't apologize and went into another tirade about how I was a bad friend and a bad person but that she'd be willing to tolerate me anyway. Sigh. Sometimes you have to realize that she's just not that into you as a person, and despite the long-term ties, both of you just have to go your own way for the sake of your emotional well-being!

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