In a recent post on her Psychology Today blog, research psychologist Dr. Bella
DePaulo, author of Singled Out, raises
the issue of what it means to be “just friends.”
Unlike marriage (and same-sex unions in some States), friends have no legal ties
to one another. Unlike siblings, they have no blood ties. Yet one of the most unique
and defining characteristics of a friendship is that it is a totally voluntary
relationship that exists simply because two people “just” want to be friends.
Ironically: “Friends are marginalized as ‘just’ friends,” writes DePaulo. “Now
that Americans spend more years of their adult lives single than married,
friendship is more important than it used to be,” she adds. “As family size
decreases, so, too, do options for family care in old age or any other age -
fewer people have siblings or adult children to care for them (or if they do,
those family members may live many miles away). Again, it is friends who come
to the rescue.”
Whether single or married, it is often difficult for women to strike the
right balance between their friendships, family ties, careers, and needs for
time alone. Yet DePaulo’s remarks remind us that---in sickness and in health, for better or for worse---it’s
always a treasure to be surrounded by strong, caring female friendships.