QUESTION:
Dear
Irene,
I’m 15 going into tenth grade and I have known my friend since we were in 5th grade and we have always been really close. My mom is her second mom and her mom is my second mom. We have always had the same interest in everything until just recently. It's like we never agree on ANYTHING anymore.
We are so different now. But it’s like it happened over night. I know people change but I didn’t know how fast it could happen. I want us to stay friends forever and all but lately I don’t feel so hyper and happy around her. I feel empty and different and like it’s not the same. So I am just wondering, should I try and "repair" our friendship or do u think it would be best for me to just end it?
Thank you very, very much for reading this. I really do appreciate it. :]
Signed,
Anonymous Teen in Florida
ANSWER:
Dear Anonymous Teen in Florida,
It always
feels bad to drift apart from a bestie with whom you once felt very close. More
than likely, however, this turnaround didn't happen overnight. It just feels
that way. You are just beginning to
realize the differences between you and your friend, and it sounds like they
are jumping out at you in living color!
People change all the time---and especially during the teen years when changes can
be dramatic. This is a time when our interests and unique personalities
emerge, so I'm not too surprised by your story. Even though it's common, it's still disappointing.
Do you think your friend is feeling the same way you do? I suspect that is
probably the case.
It might be worthwhile to start a conversation with her and say, “Why
do you think we are disagreeing so much? Do you think there is anything we can
do to iron out our differences?” It's important to mention that you really
treasure all the good times you've had in the past and that you hope you can
work things out together.
Be
prepared to give her one or two examples of why you are feeling this way. Try
not to blame her---say it is something that is affecting you both.
By talking about it, you might gain more insight into what you are feeling and
whether or not the friendship can be saved.
If you can't work things out, you just might need to take a breather from each
other or maintain a less intense friendship. Next year or the year after, you
may find that you are more in sync with one another.
Let me know how it works out.
My best,
Irene
