death

Last night’s second season premiere of Lipstick Jungle on NBC, called Pandora’s Box, offers women a teachable friendship moment. We learn that Nico (Kim Raver) is plagued with guilt over her affair with her young stud, Kirby, and is desperate to save her marriage.

She tells her husband Charles (Christopher Cousins) about her indiscretion with her young stud, Kirby, only to later find out that Charles was having a long-term affair with one of his students, Megan, who has become pregnant. Within 24 hours, Charles dies unexpectedly in a hospital recovery room after double-bypass surgery. Nico is left shaken, with a mélange of conflicted feelings, and has to hastily arrange his funeral.

THE MOMENT:
Clearly distraught, Nico is surrounded and supported by her best friends, Wendy (Brooke Shields) and Victory (Lindsay Price) and one of them asks her:  “Is there anyone here from your family?” Even though there was no one, we know that Nico will be okay because she her friends are beside her. 

Everyone isn’t fortunate enough to have the types of family ties or family members they wish they had. But we are able to make and choose our friends.

Perhaps no event is as life-changing as the death of a spouse. After my friend and colleague journalist Mickey Goodman of Marietta, Georgia lost her husband Phil, she never realized that the loss would have such an enormous impact on her female friendships. It simply threw amny of them into a tailspin.

Mickey graciously shared her reflections which are abstracted from a longer essay and printed below:

There are books, pamphlets and web sites devoted to practical matters that must be dealt with following the death of a spouse: advice on attorneys, wills, insurance policies, retirement, social security, bank accounts, ad nauseum. There is no advice on dealing with people who crush your spirit.

When a friend from my teaching days who had also lost her husband approached me after my husband's funeral, I expected a life preserver. Instead, she threw me an anchor. You have to join my group, she said. We call ourselves the Merry Widows.

Who knew that once close couple-friends would suddenly stop calling or that another would advise me not to continue in the couple’s book club because I would be more ‘comfortable’ among women? I never dreamed that the husband of an acquaintance would sidle up to me, wink and say, “If you ever get lonesome all alone at night, just call me on my cell phone, any time.”

In contrast, so many friends soared with the angels. The neighborhood dinner club brought mountains of food, (wo)manned the house while we were at the funeral and cleaned up afterward and left enough meals in the freezer to last for weeks. My next-door neighbor still calls frequently to check on me. Phil’s buddies have initiated me into the Monday lunch bunch.

Though I'll never become truly accustomed to the single life, I'm thankful for many wonderful new friends and a closer relationship with others. My children were (and are) my sustenance, my seven young grandchildren, dessert. And my life marches on to a different beat.

To read more of Mickey’s work, go to: www.mickeygoodman.com