graduation

If you haven’t yet realized it, graduation from high school or college can be a friendship-killer. When you are no longer living side-by-side or seeing each other every day, it will never be quite as easy to keep up once-close female friendships or to make new ones.

With more than $55 million in domestic box office sales, Sex and the City made its mark as the highest-grossing chick flick in history on its opening weekend. Why did working women and working-at-home women leave their boyfriends, husbands, and kids behind, flocking in droves to see a movie that will likely be available on Netflix and pay-per-view in the blink of an eye? They wanted to see each other.

Sex is the ultimate excuse for a girl’s night out---something that women are desperately craving as our multi-tasking lifestyles leave less discretionary time for female friendships. The march of Stilettos to movie houses across the country was nothing short of a surge. Women clicked on Fandango and lined up for tickets because they were eager to redress their friendship deficit. Regardless of our age or stage in life, many women simply don’t have enough friends to meet their needs for understanding and being understood.

Sex, both movie and the series, hit the nail on the head when it comes to female friendships. We all covet the close friendships like the ones mirrored by Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte. Women went to see Sex but they were more excited about the before and after cocktails, dinners and parties they had planned with each other. They wanted to walk in the footsteps of the foursome.

Getting back to my commencement remarks---Graduation often means going home or moving away, leaving the familiar and making new starts. As a result, it is a time when many of us lose touch with women whom we see every day and call and text in-between---both besties and entire friendship circles that are meaningful parts of our lives.

Make yourself a promise to keep up with your school chums---especially the ones with whom you have been able to share both happiness and heartbreaks. As you age and life becomes more complex and demanding, you’ll realize that you have given yourself the most wonderful treasure. A few of the basics:

1) Always make friendship a priority (right up there after family). If you need a rationale to convince you, here it is: Research shows that social support and close friendships are linked to improved health and emotional well-being.

2) Get rid of toxic friendships that are consistently negative and emotionally draining. We all have one or two gal pals that are annoying to be with, people we feel ambivalent about and who probably feel ambivalent about us. Just let go of them.

3) Find any excuse to create rituals to stay in touch with the good friends. It shouldn’t be a one-time affair. Make a plan to get together every month or at least several times a year. It can be on milestone birthdays or periodic girlfriend getaway jaunts. Or even the opening of a long-awaited chick flick!

4) In-between, use every way possible to stay connected---via cell phones, Blackberries, and old-fashioned letters until the next time your see each other.

Female graduates: Congratulations---Go forth with your friends!

This post also appears on The Huffington Post. Sign up to become by fan at www.huffingtonpost.com/living and receive my posts directly in your in-box. 

Transitioning from one school to another is always nerve-wracking for children and their parents but friendships can help ease the way. A new study of 600 children and 80 parents in the UK suggests that children who are separated from their friends as they move from elementary to secondary schools are “inherently more vulnerable.” These children are more likely to lose solid friendships and feel less confident, and are more prone to bullying.

However, when children move with siblings or with other friends, their transition is made easier because friends and siblings provide social support and “insider information” that helps them better navigate new waters. The four-year project conducted by Dr. Susie Weller and Irene Bruegel from London South Bank University was funded by the Economic and Social Research Council (ESRC).

According to a press release from the Council, the benefits of childhood friendships are too often overlooked or placed in a negative light. “They [social theorists] have focused on the ‘youth problem’ - describing peer group interaction as having a negative affect on educational attainment and associated with destructive activities such as membership of a gang,” said Dr. Weller. "This often means that relationships such as friendship are sidelined, and little attention has been given to the positive and constructive resources and experiences such networks can provide."

Thanks to Sophia Casey, Age 9, for the beautiful picture of Best Friends. 

During the high school and college years, many women (as well as men) develop close relationships with roommates or classmates that they expect will last a lifetime.

Students are thrown together in dorms, lounges and classrooms. Being in the same place at the same time, they find they have much in common---regardless of their diverse backgrounds. They forge new friendships on soccer teams, in drama clubs, and in campus newsrooms.

In his article Friends – Will I Really Be There for You?, Michael S. Borress, managing editor of the Binghamton University student newspaper, Pipe Dream, points out that Graduation Day often marks the unexpected death of many of these friendships.